Trust Onions

I’m finding it a little hard to believe that in my (almost) 8 year relationship with my fiancé, I have never found myself more comfortable.

I used to think that I should always have to put on some make up (not in a cosmetic terms) when I’m with him. I always feel insecure, mainly because I think he’s too good for me. Sometimes I think I just don’t deserve the kind of man that he is.

But now, (yes, only after our 8 year long relationship), we have become far more relaxed being with each other. There are no pretenses. If we want to make things work, there’s no use in being someone we’re not. And only that makes us realized, well, we’re now ready…

Do you believe in layers of trust? When you shake someone’s hand, you don’t quickly give them your trust. You don’t immediately give them your address (except your e-mail address, maybe), and certainly not your home phone number. Cellphone numbers are optional, perhaps, when you’re just meeting with someone in your professional circle; your clients, your vendors, etc. After some time, some dates, or perhaps some meetings, you begin to give some trivia information, a 10% trust. Your education, and perhaps your status. Well, again in this level, you can still easily cheat whoever you’re talking to by giving false information. Some more dates later, if you’re normal, you might introduce them to your daily routines. Give them 25% of your trust. This phase can go on for some time, depending on the frequency of the meetings you have. You might also share information on what you did last weekend, how you’re family are doing, etc. But when you’re starting to really get along with your partner, you will share almost everything. How your day sucks at the office, your boss gives you a hard time, a colleague you cannot cooperate with, your family problems, etc. This phase can also go on forever, if you’re not the kind of person who likes to lay it out too thin to everyone. You may start giving the partner a 90% to 95% of your trust. But sometimes, there’s still some things you keep from each other, your dark side, or your deepest secrets. Only in the final layer when you can freely talk about everything, and when your partner can actually understand what you mean without you needing to say it. It’s when the both of you are not afraid of anything because in this phase, you don’t keep any secrets from each other. And by secrets I don’t mean what kind of chicken you had for lunch, by secrets I mean the person you’re having lunch with.

Most couples cannot last until this phase. I believe so. No one is so big hearted to let little things go. I believe that in each and every soul on this planet, lies a mystery. And therefore, a long lasting healthy relationship are very hard to come by.

I believe that my fiancé and I are not there yet. We are not yet in the 100% trust level. But I believe that every step of the way we make gets us closer there.

I believe that. And therefore, I do trust us to make it.

To my dearest, I love you. And I’m forever grateful you’ve given me a second chance.